my best advice for tackling your next big task (it's probably not what you think)

Tell me if this looks like you: you’re staring down a daunting task—a project that most would run from, like caring for a loved one through a serious illness. So you put your head down, hold your breath, and charge head-on into it, promising yourself that you’ll get back to your own life and come up for air when it’s all over … even if that’s months from now. But not more than a few days in you find yourself floundering, unable to feel any sort of organization, focus, or ANYTHNG, and you’re not sure you’ll ever be able to get to the other side.

This is exactly how I went into caring for my mom when her Alzheimer’s Disease worsened around 2019. I jumped straight into the middle of juggling everything I could from two states away—at-home nursing, personal care, and more. Not to mention reading everything I could get my hands on and providing emotional support to my dad. All while working full time, teaching and hosting workshops and retreats. It wasn’t long before I felt underwater and stretched far too thin—and not because of any fancy yoga pose.

My m.o. had always been to push through a challenge. Because rest was for babies and sick people, and if I stepped aside even for a short time everything would fall apart. But after pushing myself to the brink one too many times, I decided to try that thing that everyone told me I should do. I took a break.

I know that it’s hard—sometimes downright impossible—for caregivers to find a weekend or even just a day to themselves. I know I felt that way when we were trying to manage the worst of my mom’s symptoms. That’s when I started toying around with taking just a few minutes here and there to start tending to my own needs. Sitting quietly in my Jeep before heading into the grocery store. Rearranging my schedule so I had a little downtime between caregiving trips. Doing what I could remotely instead of making the five-hour round trip to be with my folks in person twice a week. And—SURPRISE!—the world didn’t crumble, and I was more clear-headed for the next task I faced.

I noticed that this method worked for all kinds of projects. When normally I would undertake weeding our entire yard for 12 hours a day over the long Memorial Day weekend, I played around with working a few hours at a time. Then I’d grab some shade and a snack, admire my work, and feel ready to tackle the next area. The work still got done or—if it didn’t—my perspective on it shifted so I was able to appreciate that having a pristine garden wasn’t as important as being able to hang out with my family and enjoy my surroundings.

I know how scary it can be to put the reins aside for even a short time. But if you don’t tend to your own needs once in a while you simply won’t be able to be there for the ones who need you most. I encourage you to try finding just a few moments each day to experience some time to yourself—a short walk in nature, a nap under your favorite blanket, your favorite beverage and journal.

We live two lives when we’re caring for someone else: their medical appointments, their meals, their sleep schedule, and—oh yeah!—our own. Trust me when I say that you will be stronger, feel more focused, and experience a sense of renewed compassion when you can reconnect with yourself on a regular basis. Give it a try and see if you can find a way to take a break—even for just a little while—that works for you.

I know how hard it can be for those who tend to others to find an entire day to themselves. If your schedule or location prevents you from coming to Wild Trails Farm in Springfield, Vt., June 25 for my self-care saturday, you can join us for live broadcasts of all the class sessions from wherever you are in the world. In addition to these live classes, you’ll receive recordings to watch over and over again so you can create your own personal retreat on your schedule. Follow the link for details and to sign up.